I’ve been thinking about headspace - as in how you need to compartmentalize your mental energy, much like a personal computer’s memory, to ensure you have enough RAM for three main things:
Essential daily operations;
(Hopefully) temporary extraordinary demands (which inevitably come frequently, large and small - I wish you more of the ‘small’ variety!); and
Self-care and mental rejuvenation - let’s call that ‘system maintenance’.
Those three functions are very different and should be approached distinctly, I feel.
First we have our essential daily operations. Our Resting Metabolic Rate, if we’re to look for a nutrition/fitness analogy. Doing what needs doing - work, kids, fitness, chores, education, etc. Obviously the more we can minimize the energy feeding into this, the more headspace RAM we can allocate to the other two functions, so shortcuts to alleviate bandwidth are not only useful but necessary. Transforming chores into automated routines is one - eg. making working out a mindless everyday activity that’s not a strain on the mind but a time-slotted opportunity to think about other things. Using technology to cut corners is another. Doing work faster with AI research and agents. Crunching time planning, online admin and financial tracking with apps and systems. And a third way I think is to reframe certain chores as recharging, mindfulness opportunities. Eg. embracing newsletter reading as the self-improvement tool that it is, or viewing workouts as an essential physical recharge mechanism to reinvigorate mind and body.
Then you have the second category - temporary extraordinary demands. Illnesses, accidents, and crises of any other variety. These are largely unpredictable and unplannable for, by definition, but this doesn’t mean that it’s OK for us to be overwhelmed and consumed by them. Efficiency in managing them becomes crucial - fast and bold decision making, proactiveness, staying ahead of the wave that’s crashing down on us. Recognizing when situations objectively require action vs when we overinvest ourselves, for whatever reason, becomes a survival skill. This category will often encroach on the other two and that might be alright - as long as it’s truly necessary, inevitable and temporary. But it’s very important to recognize that the other two categories require a certain, albeit more minimal, flow of energy as well, constantly, lest the whole system becomes blocked and shuts down. It’s a necessity for the system, it’s not a matter of desire or choice, and we need to recognize keeping the system running is what will give these Category Two processes the most performance and attention.
Finally, we end up with the third category - self care and mental rejuvenation. This is the commonly underestimated, unappreciated and largely ignored one. The reality is, however, that you won’t be in a position to help anyone else or to do your necessary chores if you don’t recharge in your own way. It doesn’t matter how you do it - we all have our own ways - working out, escaping into nature, alone time or socializing fun time, laughter, arts, passive entertainment at home, petting cats or reading to your kid - whatever works. I liken this to system maintenance because much like a computer much get a regular electrical charge to keep running, so will you. If you don’t, you’ll just either crash suddenly or devolve gradually into a diminished shadow of yourself. We’ve all seen those instructions on planes: put your life vest first before you assist your children or others. Consider that this instruction has been developed universally, internationally, for a top-tier crisis situation (an airplane problem). Top experts who know what they’re talking about have decided it’s always best for this type of problem to be handled that way.
Trust this to apply to your life in general, too.
If you manage to minimize the first two categories, you can move from ‘system maintenance’ mode to ‘system upgrade’ mode - improving rather than just recharging your system. With smart planning, active system structuring, and good fortune when it comes to category 2, this should be relatively easy.
I think I foresee objections. “When category 2 events come, you gotta do what’s necessary”. Or “when my kid’s sick I’ll do what needs doing”. I’m not arguing that you shouldn’t tackle category 2 events with full might and enthusiasm. I’m saying that if your home’s heating goes out at Minus 15 in January because you’ve forgotten to pay your electricity bill or if you have a nervous breakdown and crash out, you won’t be able to help your ill kid, you’ll need to spend your time and energy to fix other things. It’s not callousness to compartamentalize a bit of bandwidth for yourself in moments when others need your 100%. It’s preservation of your maximized ability to help them at your best.
Let me know if you see it differently, in the comments. (There ARE comments in this platform, right? I don’t know, I’m new to it).